Sunday stuff

Omaha, Nebraska isn't one of those places I think of as a vacation getaway. It's not really anywhere I even want to go. Well, except once a year, for about 12 days, I want to visit Rosenblatt Stadium.

The College World Series has been a place I've wanted to go since high school.

I remember watching teams like Wichita State, Miami, Stanford, LSU, ASU, Auburn, and more, play the best baseball you could want to watch. Then, after the championship game, get to watch the celebration. It was awesome!

Maybe one day. But for now, I'll settle for ESPN and my leather couch.

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I'm reading this book called Samson and the Pirate Monks. It's about accountability vs. solitude. I'm really into it.

I feel encouraged to implement some of the recommendations that are addressed in this book. I really do believe that there are issues out there that can affect us on the personal level if we don't be proactive and not allow stuff into our lives.

Anyway, it's a pretty interesting book.

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I'm home from church today. I wanted to see the ASU vs. North Carolina game. I love ASU baseball.

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June 15th is Nicole's b-day. She's having a little BBQ later today to celebrate. It's gonna be fun.

I pray that God would bless her on her 28th birthday. She's a good one to keep around. I guess that makes her a "keeper"!

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I finished season 1 of the Big Bang Theory. Great show! I highly recommend it for a good laugh.




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I made some pasta salad last night. It took me like an hour. I remember why I don't do much cooking around my house. It takes too long. When I feel the hunger, I want the food soon.

I love the pasta salad though. It tastes great! It's gotta be a favorite.

I gave it a try today. It was a little dry. I have to moisten it up before we eat it today.

A verse for the day...

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

Random facts/Useless knowledge

As many people know, I enjoy knowing random facts/useless knowledge. Well, I came across an application on the iPhone with just that. It's awesome! 7007+ Amazing facts.

Today's fact of the day:
A woman has approximately 4.5 liters of blood in her body, while men have 5.6 liters.

Some extra facts:
Ostriches are so powerful that a single kick at a predator, such as a lion, could be fatal.

The Amazon is the world's second longest river at 6,448 miles- only the Nile in Africa is longer. However, the Amazon carries more water than any other river in the world.

The crab apple is the only apple native to North America.

Apple blossom is the state flower of Michigan.

Lord I give You my...

"Lord I give You my heart,
I give You my soul,
I live for You alone.
Every breath that I take,
Every moment I'm awake,
Lord have Your way in me."

This song sprung a thought in me on Sunday.

I look at my life and see how it's nothing like I planned. It's nothing like I could even have imagined it to be. Briefly, I think back 2, 5, or even 10 years ago, and if someone would tell me I would be doing and living the way I am now, I wouldn't have believed them.

It's not that I am discouraged about it but it's different.

I remember being 19 and being completely confused about life. I had no idea what was to come or how to get there. I just knew that I wanted to be a police officer and I wanted to do it while following God. That was it.

I began working at the church in Carson City, which I still think back to and have exceptional memories of, and began wondering if I was going to be a youth pastor or something along those lines.

Things began to change, I moved to Reno, finished college and started working in Carson City.

Things seemed to go well there but I continued to feel discontent. But I stayed and worked through it.

I dated a little, had a few serious relationships but nothing seemed to come of them. I had always imagined me getting married a little earlier in life, mostly because that's what my friends and the people around me were doing. But it never happened.

I continued in my discontentment and pursued what I thought would make me happy. I was eventually hired by the Reno Police Department. What was odd was, I thought that was what I wanted until I got the chance at it. With much regret and anxiety, I eventually decided not to take the job and stayed with the department where I was working at the time.

I had found a new interest and wanted to pursue that. I eventually was given the chance to become a probation officer and grabbed at it as tight as I could. Still holding on to it, it's what I choose to do at this point in my life.

Thinking back on all this, it doesn't look like much. But to me, it's my world. It's had ups & downs, excited & depressed moments, and just plain day to day stuff that didn't really define anything. But as I think about it, one thing remains constant for me and that is the part where I've wanted God to have his way in me.

I can honestly say that in the last 10 years, nothing I've planned has really come about but I wouldn't change the last 10 years for anything either. I know that God has directed and laid out before me a life that I have lived and I think I've done it mostly the way He wanted me to. He's placed exceptional people in and around my life to impact me immensely and hopefully allowed me to affect as well.

I like not knowing where or what is coming. It's a little scary but I know that it has to be good because my hope is that God would have his way in me and I know that nothing bad comes from that.

A fingerprint

Louie recently blogged about a topic that got me thinking about coloring outside the lines in my life. I've continued to think on that a little. It interested me mostly because recently, I've really desired to be my own man and not have to function inside of a "mold" that I thought was expected by others or I expected myself to live inside.



It got me thinking about a fingerprint. A fingerprint is unique to only one individual. I'm starting to recognize my life as a fingerprint. I like this analogy. It's simple to understand. There is only one Matty C. and only I can live as him.

Lately, I've been thinking about my interests: biking, running, baseball, soccer, working out, writing, reading, friendships, TV series, motorcycles, etc... I've been wondering if they fit my "mold" and if they do, is it okay? Weird I know! Why would I wonder if they are okay? But I do.

What I find odd is, I actually put thought into wondering if my interests fit into a "mold" for myself. I've analyzed different interests I have and wondered if they're okay to have together. For instance, can people who run and work out like motorcycles? Can someone like me who isn't a very good writer actually enjoy writing? Can I call myself a reader if I don't finish books as fast as someone else who I classify as a reader?

I feel like I've been looking for society to define what "mold" I have to fit into. If I'm gonna bike, I need to be skinny, with huge legs and tight shorts, but I can't be a motorcycle rider because they're not. They have egos, they have something to prove. I can't be into TV series or writing because that's kinda nerdy and athletic people can't be into that stuff. They have to watch/talk sports.

Those are just a few thoughts. But that's what it's like in my brain.

What I think I'm finally understanding is that my fingerprint (who I am) is okay and there is no "mold" that I have to fit into. My fingerprint is me and nobody can be a better "me" except me. I decide what interests me.

A small piece of identity

I like bikes. Mountain and road that is. There's something in me that loves the freedom of the open air, and simply, the activity of riding a bike. It's simple and fun to me. Especially when I get to wear the bike shorts (just kidding).

I've been out a few times this year so far. I'm hoping that it'll be a good summer of riding. Like I said, it's just fun to me.

I also enjoy running. There's something about running that makes me feel alive. Honestly, I think it's the after-feeling I get because it's definitely not anything that I feel during. Actually, during a run, I usually feel miserable, like my lungs are going to explode. But afterward, I feel amazing inside and personally feel good about myself.

Lately, when I'm on the bike, a topic has continually come to mind. That is the stages I've been through since I started riding and running. I don't mean my ability or understanding of them but the stages of life that I've been through.

I've always been running because of my involvement with sports but never for distance. I started distance running and caring about it at about 20 years old and I started riding when I was about 24 years old. I was mostly looking for something to fill my time, to continue to make me feel athletic, since my soccer and baseball days were essentially over, except for men's league, but mostly, I was looking for something to identify myself with.

Identity was hard for me in my 20's. I had a hard time figuring myself out. I didn't know how to feel, where I was going or really, who I was. In a nutshell, aside from a few good things I had going, I was miserable. On top of it all, I was battling, which at the time I didn't know, an anxiety disorder. Come to find out, all these years of feeling weird, messed up and crazy, I was dealing with obsessive compulsive disorder (the topic of the TV show "Monk").

As previously mentioned, the last couple of rides I've been on, I've continually come back to the stages that I've been through. I remember when I started riding and what I would think about. It seemed that those were such difficult rides because all I wanted to do was be able to ride and enjoy it. But usually, they were only enjoyable at the surface level. It was never anything that took away my internal pain, which was really what I was looking for.

Years continued to go by and I did the day to day and fortunately continued my normal activity of riding and running. Even amongst the internal pain I was feeling, the running and riding were activities I could do that made me feel semi-normal.

Unfortunately, my misery stayed with me. I didn't know why. It was difficult. I would continually ask myself "why can others do this stuff and totally enjoy it? Why is it so hard for me? What makes me different? Why am I so messed up?" But through it all, I continued to run and ride. Like I said, it's what made me feel normal.

A few years ago, at 27 years old, I started to see a professional who began working with me through my OCD. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to work through and hopefully the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. He began encouraging me to get out and physically exercise. I told him that I was totally into running and biking. Come to find out, physical activity is probably the single most, best activity one can do for anxiety. Wow, I did it right and didn't even know it.

It's been three years now since I started talking to a professional and I'm not completely better. Unfortunately, OCD never really leaves. It's kind of a personality trait but it won't own me like it did. I will be able to manage it and not let it affect me like it did.

I was out on the bike on Saturday. I went for a 30 mile ride and thought back to my beginning riding days and thought about them now. Completely different. Same bike, same gear, same guy, but a completely different mentality. I enjoy my rides now. Now, I can just ride and enjoy what I'm doing and not be thinking about anything, whereas, the past was more difficult.

I love the activity in my life. It's gotten me through a lot of rough stuff. But even more, I have a certain connection to these two activities because I began finding out who Matt Clapham really is and honestly, I like what I found.

(As I wrote this, I didn't really want to get into the OCD stuff, but more so, I just wanted to get across that I went through, what I think is difficult for me. I mostly explained 11 years of my life with one word, difficult. Hopefully it wasn't too vague and confusing. I was trying to keep it that way.)

Friday morning

It's Friday and truthfully, I'm kinda dreading it! Why? Well, as mentioned in previous blogs, I'm having some upgrades done on my house. That means people I don't know, walking in/out/through my house, at random. I don't like that. So, I'm choosing to stick around all day, again, while the work is being done. BORING!

I was able to catch up on 24, which was excellent, but I don't like having a day off, on a wonderful day, and being confined to my home. Especially when there are saws, hammers, screaming, etc...going on.

Like I said, upgrades are happening. Here are the visible ones...


New bedroom windows, sliding glass door and front door.

The not-so-visible upgrades are happening today and into the next 14 days. Today is one that will benefit me more than anyone will ever know. Let me explain...

My house is really cold in the winter. My bedroom, well, lets just say that getting out of bed "sucks" on a winter morning. It's nipple hardening!

The reason for this: insulation!

I had one of the construction workers go up into the attic to check it out. He comes down and says to me, "did you know that you have 'no' insulation in your attic?" My thoght is, "wow," hence the hard nipples every morning for the last 3 years.

Zero insulation in my attic. I feel robbed. Stupid apartments. Well, my home now. And I own it. I should have looked. That's on me. But why can't people just do things right and be honest?
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Ms. Nikki & I have a date place. Quite possibly one of my favorite places to go. Jimmy Johns!
We went last night before the Aces game. The "Vito" (#5), minus tomatoes and mayo, is what I get every time.

This place is a tradition for me. I go most every time I go to a sporting event at UNR or now, when we go to an Aces game. It's just what I do. It's actually the place I took Nicole when she asked me out. Good times!
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Here are some more pics from the San Fran trip...

Perfect day for a Giants game. Great seats and pretty good food too.





This is a great view of the City. A beautiful overlook from a trolley car stop.



We toured Alcatraz Island. It was an interesting place to say the least. No thanks!
This reminds me of the toilet Ben & I cleaned in Tijuana, Mexico.


And of course, we had to finish the trip with this!

Thursday, so far...

The casa is being upgraded today. For about 9 months now, I've been going through a process with the Reno-Tahoe Airport Authority in a "sound insulation program." It's finally happening today. After months of attending group/individual meetings, signing legal documents, etc..., I'm getting the new doors, windows and insulation they have been promising. It's great!

It's really loud here today. Saws, hammers and people yelling around at each other. I've really forgotten what it's like to be on a work site.

I really want to leave but I'm a little uneasy about having random people in my home. Frankly, I don't like it at all.

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Nicole and I went to San Francisco last week. I'm a little late on the update and it'll have to wait longer because the pictures aren't on my computer yet.

I do have a good one that I saw and thought I'd share though.

New pictures to come shortly. Hopefully later today.

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Crazy "bird" man

Picture this....

You're driving down Virginia Street in downtown Reno, in front of the CalNeva and you're stopped at a stop light. A scruffy looking, red headed, bearded man begins walking out in front of you in the crosswalk. He's wearing blue jeans, a long sleeve shirt, vest and a cowboy hat, with one pant leg tucked into his cowboy boots. He looks up at you in the truck and gives you the finger. Yes, the middle one, "the bird," continuously. He stops, faces you and puts up both middle fingers and begins waving them in every direction at you, almost like he's dancing. As he continues to walk through the crosswalk, he pounds his chest, talking to himself and throwing his hands up in the air like he's praising baby Jesus. Then he proceeds into the building in front of him.

Yes, this happened tonight to me and my buddy Frank. We just stopped, stared and wondered. Crazy drunk man in front of us, giving us the finger. It was a classic moment. Like nothing I've ever experienced before in Reno. All Frank could do was give him the thumbs up.

Like I said, a classic moment.